1) Religious and superstitious [no beef :(]
2) Lack of ability to apologize
3) Knew about status
4) Confessed status
5) I am apparently his reason to live
6) Gay porn
7) Bisexuality
8) On-going relationships (sexual and conversations) with other guys
9) Dreams and fantasies that does not involve me whatsoever
10) No money after all the hard work, time and efforts
Thursday, February 08, 2018
I tried to help
The Western culture exercises "lending a helping hand" but in our local culture, it's more like "kaypo" (loosely translated as busybody).
Well, I kaypoed and opened myself up to the one that I love the most. Backfired. Tremendously. Keep in mind that it doesn't matter how hurt, pained or disappointed you may feel. Just keep it to yourself. SHOULD ALWAYS keep it to yourself. Especially if you are the one who can wear a mask and appear fine on the outside. This is crucial and super important if what you say and do to try to "help" comes on as a seismic "attack" towards the other person. Albeit the fact that your are tired and hurt and pained and disappointed, just grit your teeth and hang on with each passing day.
My love blew his temper right in front of everyone at work, hence the mask theory. He can't control his temper yet places the blame on who else? ME, of course. I am to blame for his failures, for his lack of sexual satisfaction, on his lack of time to do stuff or be punctual or ability to organize and accomplish things. There's only so much that I am able to do.
At the end of the day, if I have to kill myself to get everything done and be there for everyone, I guess that is just my destiny.
Well, I kaypoed and opened myself up to the one that I love the most. Backfired. Tremendously. Keep in mind that it doesn't matter how hurt, pained or disappointed you may feel. Just keep it to yourself. SHOULD ALWAYS keep it to yourself. Especially if you are the one who can wear a mask and appear fine on the outside. This is crucial and super important if what you say and do to try to "help" comes on as a seismic "attack" towards the other person. Albeit the fact that your are tired and hurt and pained and disappointed, just grit your teeth and hang on with each passing day.
My love blew his temper right in front of everyone at work, hence the mask theory. He can't control his temper yet places the blame on who else? ME, of course. I am to blame for his failures, for his lack of sexual satisfaction, on his lack of time to do stuff or be punctual or ability to organize and accomplish things. There's only so much that I am able to do.
At the end of the day, if I have to kill myself to get everything done and be there for everyone, I guess that is just my destiny.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
As I mature......
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you way too soon, while all the less important ones just never seem to go away.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you way too soon, while all the less important ones just never seem to go away.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
The "pressure" of driving
Do not get me wrong, I enjoy leisure drives but when you think about the traffic condition and the mentality of most road users, driving is a real challenge that consequently causes a rise in our blood pressure and heart rate, which sort of translates into strenuous exercise.
Remembering my “non-driving” years, before I obtained my now cannot-live-with driver’s license, driving was not the top of my priority. As I edged closer to my legal driving age, my mum – the ever heroic driver whom I have taken after – constantly “advised” me against certain bad road behaviors, and I quote her, “Don’t do that when you start driving, okay?” At that time, oblivious to the challenges of driving that lay in front of me; I usually just laughed it off as a rhetorical question or statement. Needless to say, driving has evolved into a necessity skill of mine ever since I “ruled” the roads 6 years ago. Unlike my mum, I love driving, it is like a stress relief and like my vastly acquired taste in music, driving coincides with my mood; thus fast-driving when I feel upset, angry, frustrated or just in a plain hurry, versus decent driving. However, I do take on a very eccentric habit of my mum as a driver, which I assume to be a common plague among road users in Malaysia, cursing and swearing at other road users whilst driving.
Anyway, there are many “trends” of road users in Malaysia, which are discussed everyday, even through the media, especially the radio stations. I can continue incessantly about the various annoying trends of motorists in our nation, e.g. not utilizing indicators, driving right smack in the middle of 2 lanes, hogging the fast lane, etc.; yet my recent “discovery” of a new trend among motorists that almost baffled me because it is such a simple yet intrinsic theory that ought to be researched and studied, is that motorcycle enthusiasts assume that they are driving a car, while car enthusiasts assume that they are motorcyclists. What a quandary! It almost seems like a new achievement that should be logged under the revolution of reverse psychology.
Let me briefly explain my observations and findings in lieu to my new-found theory.
The habit of motorcycle enthusiasts:
- Driving in the middle of the road.
- Taking up the parking spot of a car albeit abundant parking spots designated for motorcycles.
- Refusal to drive in the designated motorcyclists’ lane.
The eccentric habits of car enthusiasts:
- Driving in the shoulder of the road.
- Squeezing through traffic through “invisible lanes”.
- Driving in the designated motorcyclists’ lane.
- Taking up a whole row of parking spots designated for motorcycles.
I urge to all to give my theory a thought and you might start to notice these ridiculous contradicting patterns between car and motorcycle enthusiasts. Lastly, please be considerate to others on the road as we begin our soul searching towards the pleasurable practice of driving – calm and considerate. Being considerate of others is similar to being humble as a person. During my years in the U.S., I was impressed with the level of consideration between all road users. Pedestrians were always given top priority and attention and one particular routine of drivers that stuck in my thoughts is utilization of STOP signs at many major crossroads throughout the country. Unlike our Malaysian BERHENTI signs, people actually slow to a complete halt whenever they encounter a STOP sign and they obey a first-come-first-serve rule of thumb at all crossroads, hence well-prepared for any traffic light shortages. Imagine what a disaster it would be if we had only had BERHENTI signs at all major crossroads; I mean, obeying simple traffic light instructions already poses as a difficulty for the majority of our nation’s drivers, especially motorcyclists whom take traffic law or undang-undang for granted. Let us not even mention the poor pedestrians in our nation whom are always overlooked in the sea of overflowing and swamping vehicles. Berhati-hati di jalanraya! (Be cautious AND CONSIDERATE on the road!)
Remembering my “non-driving” years, before I obtained my now cannot-live-with driver’s license, driving was not the top of my priority. As I edged closer to my legal driving age, my mum – the ever heroic driver whom I have taken after – constantly “advised” me against certain bad road behaviors, and I quote her, “Don’t do that when you start driving, okay?” At that time, oblivious to the challenges of driving that lay in front of me; I usually just laughed it off as a rhetorical question or statement. Needless to say, driving has evolved into a necessity skill of mine ever since I “ruled” the roads 6 years ago. Unlike my mum, I love driving, it is like a stress relief and like my vastly acquired taste in music, driving coincides with my mood; thus fast-driving when I feel upset, angry, frustrated or just in a plain hurry, versus decent driving. However, I do take on a very eccentric habit of my mum as a driver, which I assume to be a common plague among road users in Malaysia, cursing and swearing at other road users whilst driving.
Anyway, there are many “trends” of road users in Malaysia, which are discussed everyday, even through the media, especially the radio stations. I can continue incessantly about the various annoying trends of motorists in our nation, e.g. not utilizing indicators, driving right smack in the middle of 2 lanes, hogging the fast lane, etc.; yet my recent “discovery” of a new trend among motorists that almost baffled me because it is such a simple yet intrinsic theory that ought to be researched and studied, is that motorcycle enthusiasts assume that they are driving a car, while car enthusiasts assume that they are motorcyclists. What a quandary! It almost seems like a new achievement that should be logged under the revolution of reverse psychology.
Let me briefly explain my observations and findings in lieu to my new-found theory.
The habit of motorcycle enthusiasts:
- Driving in the middle of the road.
- Taking up the parking spot of a car albeit abundant parking spots designated for motorcycles.
- Refusal to drive in the designated motorcyclists’ lane.
The eccentric habits of car enthusiasts:
- Driving in the shoulder of the road.
- Squeezing through traffic through “invisible lanes”.
- Driving in the designated motorcyclists’ lane.
- Taking up a whole row of parking spots designated for motorcycles.
I urge to all to give my theory a thought and you might start to notice these ridiculous contradicting patterns between car and motorcycle enthusiasts. Lastly, please be considerate to others on the road as we begin our soul searching towards the pleasurable practice of driving – calm and considerate. Being considerate of others is similar to being humble as a person. During my years in the U.S., I was impressed with the level of consideration between all road users. Pedestrians were always given top priority and attention and one particular routine of drivers that stuck in my thoughts is utilization of STOP signs at many major crossroads throughout the country. Unlike our Malaysian BERHENTI signs, people actually slow to a complete halt whenever they encounter a STOP sign and they obey a first-come-first-serve rule of thumb at all crossroads, hence well-prepared for any traffic light shortages. Imagine what a disaster it would be if we had only had BERHENTI signs at all major crossroads; I mean, obeying simple traffic light instructions already poses as a difficulty for the majority of our nation’s drivers, especially motorcyclists whom take traffic law or undang-undang for granted. Let us not even mention the poor pedestrians in our nation whom are always overlooked in the sea of overflowing and swamping vehicles. Berhati-hati di jalanraya! (Be cautious AND CONSIDERATE on the road!)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Math and Science in English? Malay? Swahili?
Alright, so maybe not in Swahili but seriously, at this point, maybe the Ministry of Education should consider implementing a new language altogether just to be “fair”. I am sure that every Malaysian have read or heard about the possible change of Math and Science from its recent transition to English, back to Malay. Sure, we have heard the debacles from every perspective, from students, parents, teachers, all the way to the government. Now, if I may so boldly state my views on this “delicate” and some might regard as political issue.
After leafing through the many articles written about this topic, and eavesdropping on various heated disputes between those whom are directly involved (students, parents, and educators), I hereby admit that I am still swayed and confused over my “vote”. Yes, it was an awesome and daring move from the government to convert these 2 subjects into English; however, let’s pause and rewind to analyze if they might have rushed into the whole idea a tad rapidly. First of all, the standard of English in our nation is average. Secondly, educators themselves were not well prepared for the language shift. Then third, there is the question of fairness; whether it is fair for students and educators whom may have faced obstacles and challenges in teaching and absorbing the actual subject despite the varying language, countering students that were not affected by the transition and thus did not reap the benefits in the long run (Mind you that according to my sister who is undergoing her PMR examinations this month, the exam questions for Math and Science actually appears in both languages).
What is the big fuss? All we need to do is raise the standard of English taught in our schools. I agree that it is a long shot and it will take time but the benefits that we reap in the long run are endless. Think about our younger generation; I envy my brother and sister because I will never fail to remember how difficult it was when I had to learn and digest advanced Chemistry, Biology, and Physics in college as it was all conveyed in English. Oh, how I used to curse and swear at our education system and the fact that they could actually implement the language change as we begin to learn the subjects in high school. In contrast, I can also relate to educators and parents whom consequently have to brush up on their English in order to teach and assist students in understanding the subjects of Math and Science. Brushing up on a language, not to mention learning a brand new language gets harder as we age (Flashback: Spanish courses during my higher education years in the U.S., as my degree requires taking up a foreign language).
Nonetheless, keep our younger generation in mind, the ones whom will play the vital role of leading our nation towards the goal of Vision 2020, where Malaysia will be globally renowned as a developed country. Changes can be seen throughout Malaysia, with more families conversing in English (and I am not taking sides even though I was fortunate that English is my first language), and the government is joining us in achieving the aim by their intrepid move of transitioning Math and Science to the English medium. Show your support, too! No one likes or even welcomes change, but more than likely change is good for you, change is when we learn from our mistakes or try to make improvements. Be optimistic, start now, the glass is half full.
After leafing through the many articles written about this topic, and eavesdropping on various heated disputes between those whom are directly involved (students, parents, and educators), I hereby admit that I am still swayed and confused over my “vote”. Yes, it was an awesome and daring move from the government to convert these 2 subjects into English; however, let’s pause and rewind to analyze if they might have rushed into the whole idea a tad rapidly. First of all, the standard of English in our nation is average. Secondly, educators themselves were not well prepared for the language shift. Then third, there is the question of fairness; whether it is fair for students and educators whom may have faced obstacles and challenges in teaching and absorbing the actual subject despite the varying language, countering students that were not affected by the transition and thus did not reap the benefits in the long run (Mind you that according to my sister who is undergoing her PMR examinations this month, the exam questions for Math and Science actually appears in both languages).
What is the big fuss? All we need to do is raise the standard of English taught in our schools. I agree that it is a long shot and it will take time but the benefits that we reap in the long run are endless. Think about our younger generation; I envy my brother and sister because I will never fail to remember how difficult it was when I had to learn and digest advanced Chemistry, Biology, and Physics in college as it was all conveyed in English. Oh, how I used to curse and swear at our education system and the fact that they could actually implement the language change as we begin to learn the subjects in high school. In contrast, I can also relate to educators and parents whom consequently have to brush up on their English in order to teach and assist students in understanding the subjects of Math and Science. Brushing up on a language, not to mention learning a brand new language gets harder as we age (Flashback: Spanish courses during my higher education years in the U.S., as my degree requires taking up a foreign language).
Nonetheless, keep our younger generation in mind, the ones whom will play the vital role of leading our nation towards the goal of Vision 2020, where Malaysia will be globally renowned as a developed country. Changes can be seen throughout Malaysia, with more families conversing in English (and I am not taking sides even though I was fortunate that English is my first language), and the government is joining us in achieving the aim by their intrepid move of transitioning Math and Science to the English medium. Show your support, too! No one likes or even welcomes change, but more than likely change is good for you, change is when we learn from our mistakes or try to make improvements. Be optimistic, start now, the glass is half full.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Service with a smile
Remember the days when sales people would stalk you around the store, assuming that you would steal or ruin their products on purpose? Well, I do. The journey of my path to a lifetime of shopping started here in Malaysia and although sales personnel still occasionally haunt your personal space as you browse through their products, I have to admit that I am pretty impressed that the scenario has vastly improved over the past 5 years.
Being in the U.S. for the past 5 years, I have been pampered with great service and this comes especially true during my days living in Atlanta when I acquired an exquisite taste for Southern hospitality. The fact that tipping is a culture in the U.S. does not fray the sincerity of people towards providing exceptional service; the simple question of “How are you?” or “How are you doing?” does not imply as a rhetorical question but acts more like a conversation starter. This is certainly comparable with the local Chinese greeting of “Have you eaten?” albeit I still feel awkward even phrasing the question in my head.
After working in the hospitality and customer service industry for the past few years, I have begun to notice that the common goal that many companies and conglomerates try to achieve is to go over and beyond and give a unique and memorable experience to their consumers, thus building lasting and loyal relationships that secures repeatable business or future endeavors. Encompassing immense service should be the pride of the many industries and markets whose business depend and flourish on interactions with consumers.
My last trip home before I moved back to Malaysia was approximately 3 years ago and I recall joking – you know you are back in Malaysia once you receive inferior service. Now, I can pride on the fact that the locals are not just friendly towards tourists and the service industry is making proper initiatives to raise service standards; even the government service sectors are catching up on all the wonderful changes (Flash back: Was yelled at by an immigration officer the immigration office about 8 years ago when I misplaced an important document, resulting the rejection of my passport renewal). Thinking back on the early years of me living in the U.S., I used to cringe suspiciously at neighbors and passer-bys who greet me out of the blue, without realizing that they are actually attempting to be friendly. Then, one morning on the second week that I have been home, when I went hill climbing, a passer-by greeted me “Good morning!”. I cannot even begin to describe the mixed feelings that I had towards the gentleman – shocked, confused, impressed, proud, happy – all rolled into one; obviously I replied with a cheerful “Good morning” as I have been well-groomed towards familiar greetings with strangers. However, just that simple greeting just made my day.
Step into your local KFC and pay attention to their interaction with consumers and you will understand what is being evaluated here; compare and contrast it to the level of service that was given to you a couple of years ago. My most memorable memory at fast food joints was at Chick-Fill-A in Atlanta, where almost every single time that I said “Thank you”, they will respond “My pleasure” as opposed to the normal response of “You are welcome”.
The local industry’s service standard is on the rise and we should pride on their improvements. What I have learned is caring is the essential “ingredient” in extending great service and by caring, comes tolerating, cooperating…which in grandeur leads to a better community. So, let’s all start by caring and play our part and participate in the efforts of raising the service level of our nation. Southern hospitality? Heck, Malaysian can be well-known with OUR outstanding hospitality!
Being in the U.S. for the past 5 years, I have been pampered with great service and this comes especially true during my days living in Atlanta when I acquired an exquisite taste for Southern hospitality. The fact that tipping is a culture in the U.S. does not fray the sincerity of people towards providing exceptional service; the simple question of “How are you?” or “How are you doing?” does not imply as a rhetorical question but acts more like a conversation starter. This is certainly comparable with the local Chinese greeting of “Have you eaten?” albeit I still feel awkward even phrasing the question in my head.
After working in the hospitality and customer service industry for the past few years, I have begun to notice that the common goal that many companies and conglomerates try to achieve is to go over and beyond and give a unique and memorable experience to their consumers, thus building lasting and loyal relationships that secures repeatable business or future endeavors. Encompassing immense service should be the pride of the many industries and markets whose business depend and flourish on interactions with consumers.
My last trip home before I moved back to Malaysia was approximately 3 years ago and I recall joking – you know you are back in Malaysia once you receive inferior service. Now, I can pride on the fact that the locals are not just friendly towards tourists and the service industry is making proper initiatives to raise service standards; even the government service sectors are catching up on all the wonderful changes (Flash back: Was yelled at by an immigration officer the immigration office about 8 years ago when I misplaced an important document, resulting the rejection of my passport renewal). Thinking back on the early years of me living in the U.S., I used to cringe suspiciously at neighbors and passer-bys who greet me out of the blue, without realizing that they are actually attempting to be friendly. Then, one morning on the second week that I have been home, when I went hill climbing, a passer-by greeted me “Good morning!”. I cannot even begin to describe the mixed feelings that I had towards the gentleman – shocked, confused, impressed, proud, happy – all rolled into one; obviously I replied with a cheerful “Good morning” as I have been well-groomed towards familiar greetings with strangers. However, just that simple greeting just made my day.
Step into your local KFC and pay attention to their interaction with consumers and you will understand what is being evaluated here; compare and contrast it to the level of service that was given to you a couple of years ago. My most memorable memory at fast food joints was at Chick-Fill-A in Atlanta, where almost every single time that I said “Thank you”, they will respond “My pleasure” as opposed to the normal response of “You are welcome”.
The local industry’s service standard is on the rise and we should pride on their improvements. What I have learned is caring is the essential “ingredient” in extending great service and by caring, comes tolerating, cooperating…which in grandeur leads to a better community. So, let’s all start by caring and play our part and participate in the efforts of raising the service level of our nation. Southern hospitality? Heck, Malaysian can be well-known with OUR outstanding hospitality!
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Welcome
As this is my first post, I feel obliged to tell readers a little about myself.
Brought into this world in 1984, I was born in the now hustle-bustle city of KL and raised in the "Pearl of Orient" a.k.a. the island of Penang.
Childhood was filled with wonderful memories, shared together with my family of 5, which includes my loving daddy, mummy, and 2 younger siblings.
After my high school years of rebellion, I had the opportunity to further my studies in the U.S.
Now, 5 years have flew by since I left my home country and I am back!
This blog will serve as a diary / "venting ground" / comments and review column where I may siphon my random thoughts and experiences into.
Please feel free to comment, as I am curious or "kay-po" to your feedback.
Once again, thanks for visiting my blog!
Brought into this world in 1984, I was born in the now hustle-bustle city of KL and raised in the "Pearl of Orient" a.k.a. the island of Penang.
Childhood was filled with wonderful memories, shared together with my family of 5, which includes my loving daddy, mummy, and 2 younger siblings.
After my high school years of rebellion, I had the opportunity to further my studies in the U.S.
Now, 5 years have flew by since I left my home country and I am back!
This blog will serve as a diary / "venting ground" / comments and review column where I may siphon my random thoughts and experiences into.
Please feel free to comment, as I am curious or "kay-po" to your feedback.
Once again, thanks for visiting my blog!
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